Archive

BOOK II CHAPTER II – A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS JORTS

Possible future forecasts indicate meteor showers with a high chance of firestorm. The likelyhood of burnt grasslands and temperate forests means less grazing land for vital food stocks. This weather update was brought to you by Shlock Shlammer’s Hay and Feed stockists – we’ll get you through droughts, floods, and the apocalypse.  

BOOK II CHAPTER I – WHAT’S YOUR APOCALYPSE PLAN?

This prequel of sorts is a romp through the magical world that made the original series so celebrated, but without the favourite characters we all knew and loved. Despite a slimy performance by Jimmy Pepp as the titular villain, the story chugs along like an overloaded, square wheeled mule cart. 3 out of 5 well greased […]

EPISODE 47. BOOK I: EPILOGUE

Variety had always been a positive person. She said it herself and she said it quite frequently. Everyone knew that Variety had had her share of opportunities to practice positivity. Her’s was the story skated over in public, but devoured in private and at special occasions. A tale told to children by misguided parents to […]

DICE PAPER ROLE LIVE 5 – SCATMAN BEGINS

Join the cast of Dice Paper Role in their 5th Live Show at Storyville, Melbourne. Danny is in the hotseat as DM and decides to punish himself by taking audience suggestions instead of writing an actual game. Dickhead. Tune in as the party navigate a series of literally random encounters from extinct creatures to the […]

DICE PAPER ROLE LIVE 4 – FOLLOW THE YELLOW BELLY TOAD

Join the cast of Dice Paper Role in their 4th Live Show as Jack Kirby Crosby takes the reins of Dungeon Master for the very first time.  Where might he steer this whacky beast, and what could possibly go wrong when the Tight 5 enter a completely unremarkable pub? Tune in to find out!

DICE PAPER ROLE LIVE 3 – BCFing FUN!

Journey into the Heart of Dumbness with the Tight Five as they travel to far north Queensland in search of a mysterious apex predator. With Greg at the helm of the ship the crew are in for a snapping good time.

DICE PAPER ROLE LIVE 2 – SAVING SNATCH

It’s Dice Paper Role Live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival! We bring a recording of our Dungeons and Dragons Comedy Podcast to a live audience for the second time ever on 22 April 2018. This was a sell out show, and the audience got rowdy! Listen in to Ben Clements punish the Tight 5 […]

DICE PAPER ROLE LIVE 1 – JUST DESSERTS

It’s Dice Paper Role Live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival! We bring a recording of our Dungeons and Dragons Comedy Podcast to a live audience for the very first time on 15 April 2018. It was the start of something beautiful. Listen in to Dan Last expertly steer the Tight 5 through a Murder […]

EPISODE 46. BOOK I FINALE – AND IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE STARS

ATTACK ON GREYMEAD! The release of noxious gas from a nefarious canister has turned 3 dock workers, 2 couriers, and a Pomeranian into murderous spiked devils. Investigators discovered the canister near Belfinky dock with a name tag still attached. It read: Property of Bruce T Milkman. When asked if Mr. Milkman had been arrested, Chief […]

EPISODE 45. THE END IS NIGH

Bart Mulwimple was a simple goat herder. His goat meat was prized throughout Greymead for its flavour and tenderness, but each season he was left with a surplus of hides. Frustrated by the waste he set about finding a new way to use this versatile material. After years of searching for the right purpose he […]

EPISODE 44. ORIKI’S SONG

When you’re stranded and broke and need to get home, who can you trust? 9/10 Doctors agree it’s the bus you took on your first solo trip, the same bus you trusted when you moved to college and the bus you trusted to bring you back home again every summer. It’s the bus powered by […]

EPISODE 43. BRAKAI’S BIRTHDAY

Torus: The next few days will be influenced by the proximity of the moons. Things might take a turn for the worse before they get better. Remember to be true to yourself and stand by your friends. Beware moments of greed. Treasure may not be as shiny as you first think. You may feel an […]

EPISODE 42. SEE NO EVIL

Gwendoline looked intensely at Pietor. They both knew what this meant. Pietor steadied himself, suddenly aware of each second that ticked on the timepiece on Gwendoline’s wrist. Oh Gwendoline’s wrists. He could write odes to her wrists, ballads to her fingers, and limericks to her knuckles. But this sudden flight of longing cost Pietor dearly, […]

EPISODE 41. HELM’S HIDEY HOLE

There is a place that you can go, when life is tough and you’re feeling low. A place where troubles disappear, a place for friends; a place for beer. If you’re having a day where you question it all… then come on down to the hidey hole. Thursday is adults only chicken dipper night (now […]

EPISODE 40. THE FIRST RULE OF CLOWN SCHOOL

Dinner Plan Review. This exciting new show explores your dinner plans and rates them against your peers, colleagues, friends and family. Hear the Jones family’s profound love of ankheg meat as they chomp down on deep fried legs with creme fraiche. Noisily. Next to the microphone. Brutal and sloppy? Yes. Delish? You be the judge. […]

EPISODE 39. DAAAVID VS GOLIATH

Acclaimed documentarian and activist Borghum Freesnail narrates a tale of survival against the odds. Borghum, 85, slides his way across the continent following in the snail tracks of the near extinct Mighty Eastern greysnails as they migrate north for the spring. Borghum is all charisma in what may be his final project. This is ‘The […]

EPISODE 38. OFF THE WALL

Ringer Pullos is a brash and gregarious woman. She sweeps into the room and grasps my hand in a firm and yet welcoming handshake. Her eyes sparkle with intelligence and laughter, as we sit down to chat and I feel as though I am the one being interviewed. We talk about her meteoric rise through […]

EPISODE 37. THE DRUMS OF WAR

This week on DPR we interview polar explorer and CS Lewis fanatic Burnish Buckletoon as he prepares for his 14th expedition to the Deep South. We ask all the big questions: how cold it was? How are the Pengloids and Solar Bears? And what about the Christian parallels present throughout the Narnia books? Burnish talks […]

EPISODE 36. SIEGE THE DAY

A penny saved is a penny earned so the saying goes. But does it hold up in a court of law? This is what we’ll find out this week as we follow the trial of Shirtfront Amblewang who saved the life of local bottle collector and judo instructor Penny Prossel and is holding her in […]

EPISODE 35. LETTERS FROM HOME

It’s sweepsteaks time again as we broadcast from the Boldock Beef and Broom Bazaar. Great deals on brisket on brush, sirloin and scoop, or maybe even try your hand at the suede scrub at a masterclass with the Beefstie Boys. Enjoy the Twilight Tripe and Trowel dance headlined this year by superstar Swabbie Filet Gams. […]

EPISODE 34. DIAPER PATROL

This week DPR has a real treat for you. We’re broadcasting from the Greymead Stoat and Soap Symposium bringing you live tastings of some of the finest soups and fruit platters you’ll ever hear. Your host Milchard Oblong describes each spoonful in painstaking detail. We taste Millie Mousette’s fabled Onion and Pear Soup, Brucemys Fanglesticks’ […]

EPISODE 33. PART II – STRAIGHT THROUGH THE TOP OF THE DOME

Feedel wasn’t always a beat poet, in fact before he became one he had never before entertained the idea. Feedel was 44 years into a career as a turkey sexer, he was head of the department at the largest Turkey Fromagerie this side of Gwilton. He had a loving husband, three more or less stable […]

EPISODE 33 PART I. THE SHIELD: WHAT LIES BENEATH

In breaking news – last night famed artist Pontifrak Goobsack’s world renowned Galleria de la Mug burnt to the ground. Beneath this edifice of the snobby art world, we can now reveal the discovery of a hidden basement filled to the brim with caricatures and scrapbooking by Goobsack himself. Will the discovery of this art […]

EPISODE 32. DEUS REX MACHINA: MACH II

In the dead of night a can clinks along the cobblestones. Chunky effluent spews into the Mead River, fouling the city’s only water supply… What would the founders of Greymead have thought, seeing the waste, filth, and degradation that now calls itself a city? Is this what their hard labour bought? In the midst of […]

EPISODE 31. THE METAL MEETS THE MEAT

Torvin Templestow joins DPR this week to talk temple restoration, turnip farming, turning undead and how to run a successful kickstarter. He raised 1000gp in seven days for his temple restoration project. We hear how it all came about and find out how much of that money was donated by his mum.

EPISODE 30. THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

Recently deceased bin man Bobby Brumpkin had a secret. He’d gone through his entire life with part of himself hidden, never to be revealed to anyone, not even his nearest and dearest. It pushed people away, a string of broken relationships and failed business ventures fell victim to this unknown truth. It was never named, […]

EPISODE 29. IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED

Randle Pumpersnitch, used horse salesgnome and philanderer speaks out about his love for scallops, Tabaxian theatre, and what to look for when buying a moderately soiled mule. We also examine the tragic events of the Silvertongue Mine explosion. What happened to Barry the Budgie? Was he caught napping? Or was it an inside job, and […]

EPISODE 28. HIDDEN DEPTHS

Acclaimed mathematician and trombonist Amberlane Dumbelsnitch returns to DPR for the third lecture in his series of twelve. This eighteen hour extravaganza is a meditation on the irrationality of the square root of 2, featuring many untethered Trombone improvisations, and a rather racist diatribe on Carl Frederick Gauss. Don’t miss it!

EPISODE 27. SNATCH’S MIDNIGHT LIAISON

DPR delves into the unexplored world of septic tank spelunking with Dwarvish daredevil Max Snorkel. Find out about all the best sewers to try for your first spelunking session or, for the more experienced spelunkers, the seven hottest pits of effluence in the Greymead region. Plus the four best methods for sluicing your wet suit… You […]

EPISODE 26. GREYMEAD IN NEED

‘Squirrelled away’ It may surprise you to learn that the woodland creature was actually named after the popular saying, and not the other way around, as is commonly believed. This misconception has been attributed to Friar Farnables Boyce. We spoke with Farnables’ Mother, who described her son posthumously as “a good boy that had big […]

EPISODE 25. SNATCH’S NEW PANTS

Christ on a bike we have a good show for you. We here at DPR have been twerking wirelessly bringing you what you want. We’ve been at the annual Tumpty bake off for their sequicentenial celebrations, we’ve been to the Crosswinds delta looking into arcane perch poisoning, we’ve been to the Yumangi Gorgon Dome for […]

EPISODE 24. A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH

This week DPR are broadcasting from the Depths of Despair at their third annual charity sack race. Will Glont The Mighty Immolator be able to defend his hard-won title? Or will one of his host of challengers hop themselves to glory in the name of some very sick kids? Pristynn The Destroyer of Worlds, Animals, […]

EPISODE 23. DEUS REX MACHINA

Tradition dictates much of our lives. The milestones we choose to celebrate, the aspirations we work towards, the very structure of our lives is shaped by tradition. But who decided? Why did they know better? And when has a tradition passed its use by date? We asked three old white men and thankfully they have […]

EPISODE 22. BETWEEN A ROCK AND A BARD’S FACE

Romfong Blimplenibbs speaks… After 31 long years of wrongful imprisonment within the feared cells of LorgGol, this week Ms. Blimplenibbs was at last released. Romfong tells her brutal story in full for the first time, in this uncensored DPR exclusive. Also, there are loads of cats about at this time of year, what’s the go […]

EPISODE 21. A FAMILIAR FACE

DPR brings you an exclusive preview of the long awaited 13th studio album of legendary experimental rockers Primus. ‘Sluice out the Turd’ is the album that barely got made, mainly due to the band’s crippling Pokémon Go addiction. Luckily for us, they didn’t understand micro transactions so they’ve had to down their devices and pick […]

EPISODE 20. THE OL’ AMBUSH REACH AROUND

What’s the value of a true friend? This week on DPR we find out by selling our good mate Eamonn’s organs for bitcoin. Also Shanzelar Bansbury deprives herself of sleep for your entertainment, and for the first time on the airwaves we bring you a selection of cured meats.

EPISODE 19. ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK OUT OF A GOBLIN WARCAMP

This week we bring you tales from the guards of R.H.E.E.M. Sgt. Brownlips and Constable Crumberstool are back and sweatier than ever as they go undercover with the Flushpumper gang, attempting to take down the notorious Biscuits Laxman and his daughter Phil. We also hear from Captain Joe Scrampockets as she ruthlessly examines cosmetics mega-corp […]

EPISODE 18. A HARD BEXIT

A New Year, a new you! Are you sick and tired of waking up doing the same old job being the same old boring Andrew? You’re not alone, everyone hates being Andrew. DPR brings you an exclusive report on the life swapping trade. We meet Bimbers Rombastacorn (not their real name) who deals in lives […]

EPISODE 17. SEND IN THE CLOWNS

Merry Hogsbreakfast from DPR! This week we bring in the holiday season by reporting directly from the sidelines of the traditional Shadefall Cockatrice races – which festive Coc will you back this year? Big Red? The Purple Thunder? Jowly Jefferson? – We give you detailed sideline analysis and all the up to date odds from […]

EPISODE 16. THE PHOENIX

Caught between a roc and a hard place? Lost your arms in battle? Never thought you’d live long enough to need a pension but now all you can afford is the occasional quince? Call us at Wombidge, Wombidge, Bilson, and Borge and we’ll be sure to find you someone to sue, or a free puppy […]

EPISODE 15. ORIKI’S SORE THROAT

A lonely coin in a beggar’s cup, two infants in winter without any shoes, three lifetimes of indentured servitude…This is what the “Twelve Days of Christmas” may have been like had it been written by Charles Dickens. Of course it wasn’t, and this week on DPR we ask the question: Why?

EPISODE 14. DEVALA’S BEHEST

This week on Dedicated to Profit Radio: an exclusive interview with Pisson Erbak Bobblebottom – the Gnome bard you might know from such hits as “My Faithful Shitland Pony”, “Stew”, and “Coconuts Have So Many Uses”. We hear his take on the current state of music and his tips for giving the perfect massage.

EPISODE 13. AN ODOUR TO WALT

Hey. Hey, you. Yeah you. Stand yourself up. Go on, get yourself up….good. When’s the last time you looked in the mirror? I mean had a really good proper look, objectively? Whaddya see? Whaddya see there? Imagine you were meeting yourself for the first time… What do you look like? That’s right… a real piece […]

EPISODE 12. OF WEREWOLVES & WOBBLE BOARDS

This week on DPR we explore the broader causality of it all. What made it? Who made it? and Why is milk so cheap? Stick around for the third hour as we dive into the ethics of Bluumber Ponching the Snude, the latest craze amongst the kiddy crab men of Cwumbottuck.

EPISODE 11. A HARD GLAIVE’S KNIGHT

This week on DPR: We go undercover into the dark and hairy underground world of Halfling bacon smugglers. High demand for second breakfast and an unstable pork supply drive this lucrative black market trade. For the first time, hear exclusive interviews with ring leader O’ham I bin Larding, halfling mouthpiece Porklene Hamson, and disgraced butcher […]

EPISODE 10. THE LADY OF GREYMEAD

We welcome DPR’s newest host, Bonston Quimensack, as he gets sensual with a brand new program. This week he’s chatting to trout farmer and massive racist Pewpers Gondersnoot about her life and surname – which it turns out means ‘biscuit’ in her native tongue. Cuddle up and get warm under the Quilt with Quimensack.

EPISODE 9. A FRIEND IN GREYMEAD IS A FRIEND INDEED

Sandals vs Thongs. The ultimate casual footwear showdown. It really comes down to whether you are comfortable with that bit that sits between your toes. Listen in to hear our expert panel nail down the facts with Cobbler and renowned foot fetishist Jim “ToeJam” McCarthy, owner of “The Athlete’s Foot” Toeny Archiball, and my mate […]

EPISODE 8. IF THE GLAIVE FITS

Crack out the tissues Peristerophiles, this week DPR goes bird watching! It’s all things avian as we broadcast from the 405th annual ‘Bompy Bird and Pickle Festival’. Hosted once again by our very own esteemed feather fanciers: Bill “The Bird” Bubbage and Tanya “3 Piece Feed” Fernandez. Bless.

EPISODE 7. BOOYAGH

To prick the sausage or not to prick the sausage? Is there an issue more divisive? This week DPR chats with butcher and big time meat bag Pierce Snagman from the No campaign, who claims that sausage juice cures cancer, although he does admit he may be a wee bit biased!

EPISODE 6. “LESS TALK, MORE CHARGE!”

This week DPR comes to you live from multi-millionaire lich, Bo Bofner’s mansion, for the annual Pinup Ghoul of the year awards! The pageant will once again be judged by the controversial Xanathar, who last year spectacularly awarded the top prize to Gorsnatch, the undead troll considered by most experts to be the ugliest creature […]

EPISODE 5. A PACK A DAY

DPR Unplugged brings you an acoustic set from the one and only Snatch Perimeter. Reunited after 133 bitter years with the surviving members of The Electric Justice, they play stripped back renditions of all their classics. Hear “Scunder’s Pleasure” or the boogie-woogie anthem of the forties “Sporty Haughty Naughty Noughts”, like you’ve never heard them […]

EPISODE 4. INTO THE FOREST

Spring has sprung! The birds are singing, the people are sneezing, and it’s time to get your thumbs ready as this week DPR brings you an HOUR LONG DOMESTIC SPECIAL! We’ve got dishcloths, we’ve got brushes, we’ve got a guy named Kylie, it’s going to be one heck of a show.

EPISODE 3. FROM THE ASHES OF LINBOROUGH

Twins. Is there always an evil one? What if they were evil to begin with? Is there always a good twin? We meet Adorf and Borf, twins who claim that neither of them is evil, the dwarf’s throat had already been slit well before they’d arrived and they were simply collecting his possessions to return […]

EPISODE 2. AN EARLY CHECK OUT

This week DPR meet with Linborough’s volunteer fire brigade as they enjoy a well earned holiday BBQ in celebration of two years without serious incident in the lovely little town of Linborough. We also speak to Stamen Bulbson who tells an amusing story about an award winning cabbage. Delightful.

EPISODE 1. “WELCOME! HELLO, MY PEOPLE.”

Welcome to DPR, the best Dedicated to Profit Radio station in all the realm. We come to you from Linborough, a peaceful town nestled on the edge of the Hastewood, west of Greymead.  We meet local entrepreneur and well-known fire salesman Blaise Scortchman, who had his fire cart stolen and then used for nefarious purposes. […]